You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
