You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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