the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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