Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
