You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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