you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Still dying that you shit outside
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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