chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
you had me at cake vodka
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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