I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
