No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
there is glitter all over my balls
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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