My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize