i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
