Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
