Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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