you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
