Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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