Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The uberlube is also flammable
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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