Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
