she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
