My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
