I just threw up on my dentist
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
