i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
