I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
