Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
