WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
