Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We left the knife in your bed.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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