im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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