Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I want to fling myself into the sun
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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