Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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