so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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