There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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