i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
