I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
