i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
