Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
