Kiss
Puke
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
