I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
