need another drink. this is the easiest way
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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