: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
