i think i have two assholes
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
