she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
