We named our party play list daddy issues
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
