ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
