Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
