He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
