I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I have post one night stand depression
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