i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
