I think im going to throw up on grandma
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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