I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
