Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
