I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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