Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
